Monday, February 1, 2021

Best Laid Plans... Mum Guilt

 Tonight, I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms and I rocked her gently to sleep, cuddled her, sang to her Baby Mine along to the godsend that is our Google Nest mini speaker and Spotify. 

It was so beautiful, every so often she would look at me with her big beautiful dark eyes (such a contrast to her fair features) and whisper “mama” at me. I kissed her little forehead and her little button nose each time and she would give me a cute sleepy smile each time.

And then victory, she was asleep within about 10 minutes of me rocking her. Given that she was up until 1am last night and on Friday night woke up at 1:30 and was up all night, this felt not only like a huge victory, but gave me smug mum points because last night and Friday night were Robyn’s Daddy’s turn to get her to sleep. 

So I carefully stood up and placed her in her cot, bent to kiss her and stroke her hair as always, and WHAM! My phone slipped and fell on her head. Want to know the truly ironic thing? It slipped because I was angling it away so the light from the screen wouldn’t disturb her. 

I’ve never been a fan of the government, but now I have even more resentment, because it was a notification that lit up my screen from a news app, saying that Matt Hancock and Boris Johnson blah blah blah... so yeah, I’m blaming them for the fact that Robyn is now awake again and we’re going to have another night of watching Hey Duggee and Baby TV nighttime sensory.


Thanks BoJo. And yeah, I am gonna blame him, I already carry enough Mum Guilt to last a lifetime thanks. 

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Bubble wrap painting. Or: come on, sit down, the internet said this would be fun.




Today I decided to do another of those amazing Pinterest mum activities and had a look at bubble wrap paintings. 

This was the specific post I found, but they’re everywhere on Pinterest anyway. 

How lovely does this look, right?

(Image credit to Baby Bins)

What could possibly go wrong? I have paint, I have paper and thanks to January sale kitchenware purchasing (because I’m such a boring adult person now that I get excited over matching canisters and utensils that also then match my microwave) I have a surfeit of bubble wrap. 
First off I had to stop Daddy from deciding he would actually do some tidying, and be helpful, and retrieve the bubble wrap from the bin bag he was holding. A good omen, no?

Second issue: my little washable paints I bought (to make frankly disastrous hand and foot prints for Christmas cards) don’t squeeze, you either put a brush in or you splodge a splat out. Hmmm... I know, a few splodges using a painting sponge will work! 
Next followed “Oh shit, it’s wonky. Argh there’s not going to be enough room for all the colours. Oh well. Argh Robyn get down from there!” whilst my delightful other half knocked at the front window and helpfully asked me to discuss gardening with him through the glass as I held a stupidly small pot of paint whilst trying to stop my daughter using the sofa arm as a diving platform. It was so stressful that I didn’t even get a chance to laugh and make an immature joke when he asked if I wanted him to trim the bush. Alas. 

Anyway, these splodges were finally ready and the bubble wrap I had, as Blue Peter always taught me, prepared earlier was masking taped to the paper. 

Now for the moment of glory. 
“Shit, I can’t do this at the table, oh well, I’ll do it on the floor, that can’t possibly go wrong can it?”


She was not sure at all, but willing to give it a go. Whilst I then foraged for the book under the sofa and stray sock she had pulled off to make the pictures more social media worthy my plan of her sitting on the floor disintegrated into chaos.


I didn’t even get to the stray book and sock. My plans were going very awry.


At this point you may notice that the blobs are looking somewhat like a little rainbow. How nice. And how definitely not done by mummy “demonstrating” what to do. 




FINALLY! Robyn is sitting back down again and not crouching like some hobgoblin whilst I complain at her she’s supposed to be enjoying this and needs to sit down or if she’s going to stand, at least stand on the bubble wrap the way she stands and stomps on everything. 
Hallelujah! She touched it and looks like a social media worthy picture if you ignore the crumbled up stomped on Organix snacks on the carpet. 
This was literally a split second in time. Do not be fooled by Pinterest. 
The finished product is indeed adorable and I will keep it, and put it on the fridge blah blah, but I won’t be kidding myself that Robyn did it, that was a really arse about face way of me painting myself a blurry rainbow. 




Lessons I learned from this: 
1) They do it at a table with the kid STRAPPED IN for a reason
2) Robyn looks a lot like Gollum when she squats and stares and grabs at things 
3) All paint needs to be in squeezy bottles, but crayola pots did not spill whilst I was wrangling a hobgoblin trying to so a  Tom Daley impression. 
4) Robyn’s Daddy needs to pick more appropriate moments to make accidental innuendos

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Oh yes another Mum blog



Blah blah, a blog by a not very interesting woman who is arrogant enough to think that people want to hear about her and her child. 

But yeah, shush. My daughter is gorgeous and you should all love her. 

The reason I started this is because I’ve been on Pinterest a lot, looking up activities I can do with my 14 month old (especially during covid lockdown and crappy weather, where we can’t really do anything outside the house). The activities I’ve found all look super fun and I’m looking forward to trying them out - but oh my god! How are the backgrounds of all their pictures so beautiful? How are their houses so clean and tidy?! My house constantly looks like a hurricane has blown through a bombsite, triggering an earthquake. For starters there is a never ending parade of Cheerios all over the living room, I swear they multiply! 

So here you go, I want to make a mum blog where you see a house that either resembles your own, or is worse than yours. Enjoy my shame and mess and my sweet little goblin daughter.



Best Laid Plans... Mum Guilt

 Tonight, I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms and I rocked her gently to sleep, cuddled her, sang to her Baby Mine along to the godsend...